A Christian Viewpoint

This is the one special season that beats all others hands down. A last spurt of the mailman has filled our home with well wishers cards strung on string throughout our home. We already had three guests come to our home. Tonight we travel to meet old friends that has become a tradition on Christmas Eve. Tomorrow we have a guest and a turkey dinner to share. In the evening out to family and touch base with the extended family. Boxing day? More of the same. For one frenetic week we have guests and are guests. (of course Linda’s Christmas season begins on boxing day and then for the month of December the following year there is no peace ’til the last bow is tied and presents stored under the tree) The social calendar is full. A week of joy as we remember Santa in the minor and Jesus in the manger.

To all our friends and family that we will not be able to touch base with during this special season, we wish you all, a God blessed twelve days of Christmas.

Note: 2 Dec 09: The operation went well. It was hard that first night. Didn’t sleep at all. Tubes kept me from turning. On my back for 30 hours. No injuries from that. That was a big relief. So, the next day they take a couple of pictures and tell me I can go home. Easier said than done but I wasn’t going to argue with them. A fair bit of pain in the groin area. Been told to take it easy for a few weeks. I want to thank all who prayed for me.

Note: 24 Nov 09: The date for the operation is now 30 Nov at 8:00 am. The operation and time in the recovery room will be 3hrs. I am told, if all goes well, I will only be in for a couple of days.

Note: 19 Nov 09: I thought I better make an addition here as well as on facebook. My surgery has been bumped. I will not be going under the knife on the 20th. The new date has not been set. They think they can get me in on the 27th or 30th of Nov. I will update this post when I have a firm date and time. Thanks for your continued prayers.

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Just to let those who are following my health issues. The CT Scan came back positive and the aneurysm (an extended bulge in the wall of an artery) needs to be dealt with. On Nov 20th I will be going to the General hospital to have an EVAR (endovascular arterial repair) done. They will be making an incision into the two major arteries in each leg and then inserting the stents (a tube made of wire mesh and woven plastic) up through these. It will make a tube that will allow the blood to flow normally and for the aneurysm of the aorta to eventually collapse. Of course prayers for a successful placement and follow-up are appreciated.

So yesterday I poked my head outside of my shell and slowly walked out into the world. Drove Linda and I to church for a Thanksgiving meal. Upon entering the church hall I saw a few faces I haven’t seen since my injury of Sept o8. Uh-oh, the urge to hug came over me. I found myself at several tables embracing and saying hello (not… saying hello and embracing… big difference). Poked my head into the kitchen to see the hustle of “cooks without a stove” preparing the meal. After this I grabbed my guitar and sang a few songs for those in attendance (I was requested to do this). Then came the prayer of thanks (requested to do that)… then food… some talk. I took out my sketch book and drew a picture of a native american sitting at my table. He likes it and asks for it. Found out later he is an artist… felt humbled. Then back on the guitar and sang songs for about an hour. Nice to see some people were singing along, at least I think they were singing along, their lips were moving in time to mine. Then it was over. The last few people were leaving and I packed up my gear. Gave a friend a ride home and then to Tim’s for a coffee… that is a very important stop for Linda and I to make. Finally back home. A little sore from the effort. A slightly warm and fuzzy feeling arises. That night I crawl into bed like a turtle pulling his head back into his shell. For one day I shared a meal, hugged, talked, drew, and sang (for my supper ;))… and for the joy of it. For one day I was almost normal. That alone is reason enough to give thanks.

Am I talking about how communication networks are shrinking the world? How we can get news from the furthest most isolated corners of the earth in real-time? Nope!

If you read my last two posts you would know that I am having a problem with injuries and illness. Ah, and not the lack of them. No, the ever increasing abundance. Yep, caught in that ever dwindling spiral (of health) and in that spiral my world is getting smaller… by choice unintended. You know, you don’t have to work at being isolated, it comes naturally, a disconnect that you don’t even know is happening.

It is said that no man is an island. I beg to differ. One can certainly be an island. The choice he is faced with is whether he invites anyone over to his island or perhaps visits others on their island or community. What I find peculiar with my shrinking world is that when I become aware that it is smaller this day than the last time I looked it doesn’t bother me. I guess that is what depression is about. Funny though, I don’t feel depressed… I just have all the marks of being that way.

So why do I bring this up once again? Who knows. Perhaps I am like a man that sends up a flare and doesn’t expect anyone to see it. I do it because it is one of the last pieces of community life left to me. Yet this avenue too is dwindling… by choice unintended. Unintended? It doesn’t even come to my mind not to write here… I simply don’t write… don’t think… don’t…

Hm-mm… am I reaching out for sympathy… for help… for understanding… Nope! Just sending up that flare and turning away even before I look to see if someone responds. Perhaps in a week or two I’ll send up another. Til then? Walk with God… both you and I.

Boy, if I thought three weeks without a post was bad how about this time… six weeks. Of course this time around it was because of a slightly elevated level of depression. Slightly elevated? Is depression worse if it is slightly elevated? Perhaps I should have written slightly depressed depression? Hmmm… that doesn’t make much sense either. Oh, slightly deeper depression! Yep, I can hear my friends’ whisper… “He is so negative sometimes.” Uh-huh… this is one of them.

Tomorrow? This changes one way or the other. I see the vascular surgeon and he will tell me how dangerous (or not) the bulge in the artery (what is the word I am looking for) is. Oh I do hope the prayers of God’s saints will have the effect on God’s heart I am hoping for. If not… well… I’m already depressed so there won’t be much change in that condition. Of course part of the problem is that my GP gave me medication to drop my blood pressure. It is quite different living on that level of octane.

So what has been the biggest change so far since I got the news of the aneurysm? (Aneurysm! That’s the word I was looking for) I have fallen back into my addiction of computer gaming. If people don’t think a person can become addicted to gaming they don’t understand what addiction is and what it does. Part of the slip is because I haven’t been able to participate in church activities (except for the recovery group… and that is limited to playing and leaving without the beneficial sharing). Why not participate more? Pain and tiredness. The pain is from the injury last Sept. The pain is mostly gone but I haven’t adapted and strengthened myself enough to stay and participate. Humph! That and the drugs and the depression… sheesh… I guess I am doing pretty good for me.

So there you have it. Much ado about nothing II. Hopefully after tomorrow things may look up. If not… well I guess I have to bite the bullet (and if it doesn’t go off in my mouth) stand up and start making some changes. Even the depressed have to fight to live and get things done. It just isn’t easy and certainly not enjoyable… that’s life… yada yada yada…

This apology may be too late. Why an apology? I wrote what I thought was a humorous little story using a play on words about a month ago. Apparently it was more of an affront to people’s sensibilities than a tickling of their funny bone. After a bit of commenting back and forth with one writer I let the story stand so people could see the conversation. A week ago I removed the post all together. Today, while talking it over with the Lord I got an “I tried to tell you” tap in my spirit. I should have known better than to post the story. So I want to apologize to any and all people who were offended by the piece I wrote. It has taught me that I must be more circumspect about the things I share.