Boy, if I thought three weeks without a post was bad how about this time… six weeks. Of course this time around it was because of a slightly elevated level of depression. Slightly elevated? Is depression worse if it is slightly elevated? Perhaps I should have written slightly depressed depression? Hmmm… that doesn’t make much sense either. Oh, slightly deeper depression! Yep, I can hear my friends’ whisper… “He is so negative sometimes.” Uh-huh… this is one of them.
Tomorrow? This changes one way or the other. I see the vascular surgeon and he will tell me how dangerous (or not) the bulge in the artery (what is the word I am looking for) is. Oh I do hope the prayers of God’s saints will have the effect on God’s heart I am hoping for. If not… well… I’m already depressed so there won’t be much change in that condition. Of course part of the problem is that my GP gave me medication to drop my blood pressure. It is quite different living on that level of octane.
So what has been the biggest change so far since I got the news of the aneurysm? (Aneurysm! That’s the word I was looking for) I have fallen back into my addiction of computer gaming. If people don’t think a person can become addicted to gaming they don’t understand what addiction is and what it does. Part of the slip is because I haven’t been able to participate in church activities (except for the recovery group… and that is limited to playing and leaving without the beneficial sharing). Why not participate more? Pain and tiredness. The pain is from the injury last Sept. The pain is mostly gone but I haven’t adapted and strengthened myself enough to stay and participate. Humph! That and the drugs and the depression… sheesh… I guess I am doing pretty good for me.
So there you have it. Much ado about nothing II. Hopefully after tomorrow things may look up. If not… well I guess I have to bite the bullet (and if it doesn’t go off in my mouth) stand up and start making some changes. Even the depressed have to fight to live and get things done. It just isn’t easy and certainly not enjoyable… that’s life… yada yada yada…
You said, “Even the depressed have to fight to live and get things done.”
Yeah – the depressed have to fight just to live and get anything done. Sometimes simply getting a cup of tea is a huge accomplishment and takes all of one’s energy.
I’m praying for you, my friend.
Making a tea? There are days when “making a tea” takes too much confront. I just grab a glass of cold water, go on the computer and lose myself to “alpha centaury”. Played the game so often I don’t even think. Just punch buttons and watch a world being created and won by yours turly. My oh my, and what explosions of anger and venom if the slightest thing glitches and makes me think. Yet for all the hours wasted on the game and the not too happy events… and no thrill for the winning of the game… it is better than “making a tea” which takes more confront than I have been able to manage at times.
There are a few people who will know first hand what I am talking about. Yet at this time I just try to hang on, play the game, and wait for God to open a window…
Hi Joe, sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope and pray everything turns out OK.
Psalm 91
Ah Joe. You are loved out here in this world too. I know today (Tuesday) is when you get your results. Have been praying for you.
No matter what the results are … you have a friend over here.
Hi Joe; It’s tough having to deal with a condition over which you have no control. All the cliches in the world mean nothing: they don’t compute. Peter was doing great walking on water to meet Jesus until he took his eyes off of Him: then, he nearly drowned. But, Jesus did rescue him. When you’re not able to keep your eyes on Jesus in those times of deep anxiety, try to remember that He promised ” Never to leave us or forsake us “. He’s a God of promises and is fully trustworthy. I promise to remember you in prayer every day. When you feel like it, read Psalm 103—it’s a psalm of comfort and praise.
Saw the Dr…. here is the update. The ultra-sound confirmed the aneurysm and its size. I was told if left untreated I had a 10% chance of dying within a year. The best prospect is for an operation. I need to get a CT scan of the aneurysm so that they can figure what is the best approach to operate. It seems this Dr. is moving along quite speedily. So, sometime in the next four weeks I will get the scan done.
OK, my hope, is that when they do the scan the descending aorta will be normal. God can do it. So once again, pray and see if the hand of God moves. In the meantime I need to draw nearer to God. Perhaps this is a wake-up call and He doesn’t quite have my attention as He desires yet. Learning process? It will be good if I get it right.
Funny, I know it is really happening to me and yet I still view as something that is happening “out there” somewhere.
Praying for you Joe – I didn’t see your update comment until just now, but did hear a bit through other avenues. Do keep us in the loop, OK?