A Christian Viewpoint

I sit in front of my computer just about ready to start hitting the keys and an emotional wall slides up between my heart and the screen. My head, which neatly rests above my shoulders, looks down and then across at the screen and wonders why the fingers are not moving. There is indecision about what to write. And I am uncertain as to how to express an idea. What is the cause of this doubt? Perhaps it is an attack from our common enemy the devil or perhaps it is a God moment when something that needs to be changed must be changed before I can continue. Either way, nothing actually gets written. Neither on this blog or on the rest of my sites.

Those who know me, even a little bit, know that I can (at times) be a dynamic person capable of accomplishing much work. Also, if you know me a little bit, you will know that I am subject to long fits of depression. Fits? Perhaps I should turn that around. Times of fits and fury followed by lingering silences. Yeah, that’s more like it. I have always struggled with self-doubt and that is why it is so easy for an unkind word, or a challenging word, to drop me into silence.

How can I describe this? Get a picture of the ocean in your mind. The winds are blowing and the water swells. Now picture a cork floating on that sea going up and down with those swells. If a wave comes along and knocks it below the water, as a cork, it would immediately pop up to the surface to ride on the ocean swells. That’s not me! Question? Can a cork get waterlogged? If it could, then that would be me. I don’t do pop-ups! (Well, on social occassions I sometimes do) I usually rest (sometimes struggle) somewhere under the water and ever so slowly rise to the surface. Once at the surface I don’t ride high in the water. I rise just high enough to glimpse heaven before another wave of circumstance plunges me back under. Yep, that just about describes me.

Those who have been following me over the years will see that this is the pattern of my life. Now someone may ask, “I thought he was a Christian. Where is his victory?” Well dear questioner, there is a victory. Every time I come back up to the surface and get a glimpse of heaven the light of hope filters into my soul and gives me a moment of peace. Think of it as mini glimpses of my future salvation. What salvation? The one when God’s hand will reach into the waters and finally pluck me from this (sometimes calm/sometimes storm tossed) sea of life.

So dear reader, when you read something on my blog or see something on the rest of my site, know this… I just came to the surface and have a moment to share. Each time I do this I hope to reflect a little bit more of God, an ever so slightly better version of me. There are many who live this type of faith. We appear for a moment and then we are gone from view. It is neither good or bad. It just is. I titled this piece “persistence.” But it isn’t my persistence I am talking about. It is the persistence of a loving God who waits for me, and when he helps me to finally rise near to the surface, he lets me have a glimpse of him who saved me.

As you may have guessed I am hoping that I’m at the end of a (small) lingering silence and ready to engage in a (small) fit of activity. For those who are like me? Do not despair. Float in the circumstance and wait for God to bring you to the surface. Then glimpse your hope and make your contribution before you slide from view. You will have many opportunities if you are patient. And remember… It is not the ocean that holds you but He who holds you in his nail wounded hands.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 26th, 2011 at 11:07 am and is filed under personal side, Random Topic Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.